Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Its Kyle's day!

Today is Kyle's birthday he is now 25! I keep teasing him that he is OLD! Well in all reality I am not that much younger than he is. Oh well I guess. I can try to dream. But he is OLD! Ha ha! Oh but I love that man!

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Talk went OKAY not as good as I was hoping. I stuttered a lot and said random things oh well.... could of been worse!

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Talk for Sunday

So i thought as I learned a lot from this others might as well. This is the talk I am giving in Church tomorrow. Enjoy all... Its on patience. (My biggest weakness.) Its based on President Dieter F. Uchtdorf's conference talk Continue in Patience.


There are different levels of patience

1. Patience with self

2. Patient with others

3. Patient with blessings- waiting on the blessings you expect as you keep the commandment

4. Patience in answers to prayers

In the 1960s, a professor at Stanford University began a modest experiment testing the willpower of four-year-old children. He placed before them a large marshmallow and then told them they could eat it right away or, if they waited for 15 minutes, they could have two marshmallows.

He then left the children alone and watched what happened behind a two-way mirror. Some of the children ate the marshmallow immediately; some could wait only a few minutes before giving in to temptation. Only 30 percent were able to wait.

It was a mildly interesting experiment, and the professor moved on to other areas of research, for, in his own words, “there are only so many things you can do with kids trying not to eat marshmallows.” But as time went on, he kept track of the children and began to notice an interesting correlation: the children who could not wait struggled later in life and had more behavioral problems, while those who waited tended to be more positive and better motivated, have higher grades and incomes, and have healthier relationships.

Relationships are based on characteristics such as patience. Patience is not just enduring trials, it is also dealing with others, how you react to the ups and downs of life, how you react to yourself, and with God. There are many levels of patience but one is no more important than the next.

When we think of patience the first thing we think of is trials. Why do we need trails? We grow through our trials that make us who we are today. At the time we may not understand why things are not going the way we want them to but knowing that God has a plan. The children of Israel waited 40 years in the wilderness before they could enter the Promised Land. Jacob waited 7 long years for Rachel. The Jews waited 70 years in Babylon before they could return to rebuild the temple. The Nephites waited for a sign of Christ’s birth, even knowing that if the sign did not come, they would perish. Joseph Smith’s trials in Liberty Jail caused even the prophet of God to wonder, “How long?” D&C 121:39-45 How often are we the ones asking the lord How long must I suffer? Why am I here and not receive an answer? In each case, Heavenly Father had a purpose in requiring that His children wait. Because Patience is more than just enduring, it is enduring well. Many of the hard ships and trials appear sever. This life is not always easy it’s a time of proving that is how it was meant to be. Whatever the source of the trial it causes pain and hardship for those involved and those around them.

We often can utter the same prayer that Christ uttered in the garden. “Abba (Father) If it be thy will let this cup pass from me.” That cup didn’t pass from Christ he needed to experience that trial just as we need our trials. Those trials bring us to our knees; they make us who the Lord sees us becoming.

Patience in trials comes as we accept the will of the father. “Not my will but thine be done.” As we approach the Lord in heart felt prayer we are able to better understand the need of these trials. Looking back on my own life I see trials that I had, at the time they seemed so big so important, but now they were not that big but they did help me to grow. Often we can’t see the Lord’s hand in our lives until long after trials have passed. Often the most difficult times of our lives are essential building blocks that form the foundation of our character and pave the way to future opportunity, understanding, and happiness

“We live in a world offering fast food, instant messaging, on-demand movies, and immediate answers to the most trivial or profound questions. We don’t like to wait. Some even feel their blood pressure rise when their line at the grocery store moves slower than those around them.

Patience—the ability to put our desires on hold for a time—is a precious and rare virtue. We want what we want, and we want it now. Therefore, the very idea of patience may seem unpleasant and, at times, bitter. Nevertheless, without patience, we cannot please God. “ We often want the instantaneous results with out the work. “Brigham Young taught that when something came up which he could not comprehend fully, he would pray to the Lord, “Give me patience to wait until I can understand it for myself.”5 And then Brigham would continue to pray until he could comprehend it.

We must learn that in the Lord’s plan, our understanding comes “line upon line, precept upon precept.”6

For me the biggest trial in patience is being patient with my self. We are our worst critics often times simply because we know we can do better and we expect more from ourselves then from other people, or the fact that you have to look yourself in the mirror every day and know that you are not doing your personal best. We set goals for ourselves sometimes we realize that those goals are unrealistic but we set them anyway and then when we don’t reach them we go about beating ourselves up about it. That is how we as humans work; it’s a vicious cycle of personal abuse.

I am grateful for my Husband because I am very hard on myself, and he often times will be the one to explain to me how silly it is to be frustrated at my self when I can just try to be better. He is right after all. It goes with the old saying, “if at first you don’t succeed try, try again.” So what if I failed at loosing 5 pounds, it doesn’t mean I have to yell at myself or that the world is going to come to an end. It just means that I try again.

“Patience means accepting that which cannot be changed and facing it with courage, grace, and faith. It means being “willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon [us], even as a child doth submit to his father.”8 Ultimately, patience means being “firm and steadfast, and immovable in keeping the commandments of the Lord”9 every hour of every day, even when it is hard to do so. In the words of John the Revelator, “Here is the patience of the saints: here are they that keep the commandments of God, and . . . faith [in] Jesus.”10

Patience is a process of perfection. The Savior Himself said that in your patience you possess your souls.11 Or, to use another translation of the Greek text, in your patience you win mastery of your souls.12 Patience means to abide in faith, knowing that sometimes it is in the waiting rather than in the receiving that we grow the most. This was true in the time of the Savior. It is true in our time as well, for we are commanded in these latter days to “continue in patience until ye are perfected.”13

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

So today I had an interview at AT&T! I am hopeful the interview went really well. I am suppose to hear back by monday or Tuesday..... Keep your fingers crossed. It would be really great full time, paid vacation after 6 months, and also benefits after 6 months. Please oh please let me get the job!

Monday, May 17, 2010

Just curious but why does it feel like they want me to quit?

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Blah ha ha ha

I want a job that I actually enjoy is that to much to ask???????

Monday, May 10, 2010

Laugh when you want to cry

I found this on a web page and I thought how true is this. There are just sometimes we need a way to laugh....

1) Take a Look Around

Guess what? Your life isn’t that bad. If you’re reading this, then you have access to a computer and the internet. You know who doesn’t? Millions of people around the world. Things could be worse…

A little while ago, while I was in the midst of a little self pity, I read “The Last Lecture” by Randy Pausch. It’s a rather moving tale about a guy who, at the age of 46 and with a wife and three kids, gets a terminal diagnosis of pancreatic cancer. The story has some great life lessons, but one of my biggest takeaways was not one Randy explicitly states in the book. I thought to myself, “wow, my life seems bad, but jeez, at least I don’t have pancreatic cancer.” Sounds a bit callous, but I have a feeling Randy would have approved.

There are real tragedies that can hit you. However, so much of the time people waste on being depressed is not about real tragedies. It’s about stuff that ultimately doesn’t matter. Ironically, most of the people I know who did face real tragedies faced those with their chins up and made the best of it. Life is weird that way…

The next time you feel down about something insignificant, take a look around. There are a lot of people a lot worse off than you who are making the best of it. Follow their example and be happy with what you do have.

2) Time Travel to “Someday”

Look, you know for a fact that in a couple of months you are going to look back on what you are going through right now and laugh at yourself for how stupidly you overreacted. It’s a fact. You’ve probably already said, “someday we’re going to look back on this and laugh.” You also know your friends and family are most likely already making fun of you about it.

Skip the mourning period and start laughing about it now. Just imagine that it is “someday” and think about what the future you would say about it to the present you. I doubt future you would say soothing words like, “there, there, it’ll all be all right.” No, future you would say, “hey dumbass! Stop whining. Life is too short and he/she/it/whatever you’re crying about isn’t worth it.” If it helps, picture “future you” as a Terminator speaking to you in a Austrian accent; all things sound funnier when said by Arnold Schwarzenegger.

You don’t need to share it with anyone else, but a little self-mockery can get you laughing and give you some much needed perspective.

3) Guffaw, Even If For No Reason

Do this one in private, or you might end up in a sanitarium, but definitely give it a try. Give it a whirl now: just let out a big laugh. Not just a chuckle, but a long sustained, hearty guffaw.

I know it feels goofy, but I bet it also made you feel just a tinge better, right? I don’t fully understand the physiological or neurological reasons why, but I do know that the act of laughing will lighten your mood.

The wimpier version of this is to simply smile rather than laughing. That works too, and is a little easier to do in public.

4) Gallagherize

Gallagher was a comedian who told some very bad jokes, but for some unknown reason was immensely successful. It may have had something to do with the fact that a big part of his act was smashing fruit with a giant sledgehammer. I am not suggesting you smash watermelons (though really, I don’t see how that wouldn’t lift your mood), but I am suggesting that you try to make your own humor, even when you don’t feel like it.

Here’s a fact: in order to make jokes, you have to look for humor in the world. When you look for humor in the world, you find humor in the world. When you find humor in the world, you take the first steps towards laughing instead of crying.

When you’re down, commit to looking for the humor. A simple way to do that is to get in the habit of asking yourself, “what’s funny about this?” You won’t always come up with an answer, but you will be training your mind to look for the funny.

Like Gallagher, you don’t need to be all that funny to be successful. Just make the jokes, and the laughs will come.

5) Jump Into A Big Pile Of “Ha Ha”

What’s weird is the extent to which people who are feeling down like to do things to stay down. They watch weepy movies, stare at depressing photographs, and listen to depressing music like Morrissey and Coldplay. When you’re in the middle of it, this sounds like a brilliant plan, but any outside observer could easily tell you that you are just feeding into a downward spiral.

Break out of that spiral by switching to fun and funny things. Watch funny movies and TV shows. Hang out with funny people. Listen to stand up comics. The nice thing is you can usually find comedians, movies, and TV shows that make light of what you are going through. This offers a nice perspective shift that you may not even realize.

If you’re unwilling to completely leave behind the depressing material, start with those weird hybrid movies that start out funny and then get serious halfway through. To the average movie-goer, those movies are annoying; to a person looking to come out of a self-pitying spiral, they can really fit the bill.

+++Throw a Hissy Fit

Let’s say that you are unsuccessful at using the simple techniques above to switch from crying to laughing. In that case, stop trying to be so mature and go ahead and throw a tantrum. Do it safely, and in private, but do what you need to get the emotion out.

There are many ways you can do this: rant and rave (to no one), write a vitriolic letter (which you never send), beat the heck out of a punching bag (my personal favorite), etc. Notice how you do not throw a physical or verbal tantrum at the object of your anger; you simply do what you need to get it out of your system.

Years ago I was in the middle of a month long self-pity party. When I decided it was time to get out of it I hopped on a treadmill. The thing is, I hate running and am not that great at it. If I can keep running for 20 minutes or a mile and a half, I consider that impressive. This day I turned on the treadmill, started running, and channeled all my emotion into that run. More than 45 minutes and three miles later I stopped, exhausted, and feeling better than I had in weeks. There is something very cathartic about channeling your emotion into a physical activity.

Be careful that you don’t do something stupid and hurt yourself, but give it a try. When you’re done, take a shower and watch a funny movie…

The next time you are wallowing in unnecessary sadness, try one or more of these techniques. In every moment of every day, you have a choice: laugh or cry, and life is way too short to spend it crying…

Mother's day

Happy Mothers day one and all. So Kyle gave a talk in Sacrament meeting it was good, but church was so awkward. I am 1 of 2 woman in the ward that is not a mom. All during church it was like a constant reminder that I am not a mother. It was hard. But the good thing I guess was in Sunday school it made me think about what I wanted in my life.... what are my goals. I want to be happy. I want to be able to get kyle through school and then go myself. I want to have a job that I enjoy. I want to have children. I want to enjoy every moment of every day.

Friday, May 7, 2010

I feel so bad. I just started new birth control if its possible I am even more moody then before. Not sick just moody. I feel bad for Kyle though because one minute I am happy and laughing and then the next minute I am off balling my eyes out. Ahhh why???? I feel bad because I dont know what triggers it or why I am crying. I am just crying! Grr. I am hoping things level out.
I had a few interviews this week. I had one at Build a Bear, and then one an internet dating service. I am hoping and praying that I get the one at Build a Bear. They offer benefits and payed vacation. The one with the internet dating I thought at first would be great but the more I think about it the more uneasy I get. I am not going to take that one if it is offered. Plus its commission based. Blahhh