Tomorrow is my anniversary! Crazy!

Well Thanksgiving was good. It was fun to talk to people. I got to talk to my sister and my parents and that was fun. This Thanksgiving we were all at different places, but we all managed to enjoy ourselves. But with Thanksgiving passing its hard to believe that Kyle's and mine anniversary is tomorrow that is crazy! 2 years tomorrow. Wow I can't believe it.

I hope everyone had a great thanksgiving!

Precious night time moments

Well last night I was asleep and I get woke up by a very excited Kyle. He felt the baby move for the first time. He had fallen asleep with his hand on my stomach and was woken up by what can best be described and bubbles. It wasn't a kick as of yet but it was defiantly not me. It was a really precious moment to realize that this is real. There really is a little one inside of me.

Well thankfully I am starting to get over the morning sickness portion of the pregnancy. But the down side is I am dealing with the hormones times ten. I can't seem to figure out if I am happy, sad, frustrated or what because it all seems to change from one moment to the next. Not a fan but in the end it will be worth it.

oh my aching back

Oh my aching back! So I am doing well over all, the morning sickness is lessening but now it hurts to sleep thanks to my lovely back. But I am sure the worst is yet to come. But bring it on!

Baby Stewart!

Its our little baby! It was really cool to watch. The doctor said everything looks healthy. The heart beat is 162 BPM nice and healthy. The baby was jumping around like crazy! Due April 29th, 2011

Life is crazy and I feel bad for not updating in a while. But it is a fun ride of life. Working lots, and all that. Right now my mother in law is in town, Kyle's sister just had her baby. So Janet is here to help out for the week. Haven't seen them much but its okay. Its crazy to think that the baby is already over a week old. They named her Jocelynn Ruth. They are both J names so they had to keep it alive!

If The Savior Stood Beside Me

So I think I have finally come to terms with everything that has happened to me lately. (Medical stuff) Its a lot to take in, but it interesting how Heavenly Father blesses us even in our trials. He tests us and sees how we will act and then he waits for us to call on him. The moment we do he reaches out and wraps his arms of mercy around us.

The trials are still there but I am at peace. A peace that only comes from Heavenly Father. I understand now that things happen for a reason and that I am just glad we figured out what was wrong with me. No I do not like having to be jabbed by a million needles in order to figure that out but now I can be healthier and move on. I am not saying that I do not have my days. I have those day, were I question and ask "Heavenly Father is this really necessary? Why can't you just fix this?" But there is a reason in all things. And as I bear my trials I will be blessed! I wonder some times if the Savior was sitting with me would I be more optimistic or would I see my trials as I do now? Would I listen to the spirit more? Would I see the blessings in my life? Interesting concept to think about. What would you do different if the Savior was with you were you could see him? I hope that we wouldn't change but I think I personally still have work to get to that point.

Rigoletto: April Child

This brought back Childhood memories and I love Italian so it was perfect!

Thanksgiving Point

Yesterday Kyle and I both had the day off so we went to Thanksgiving point gardens, it was a blast!

mothers day

thank you all the mothers for all you do. you make me who i am and who i will be!

job changes

well the last little while has been interesting... so rumors have been flying around at work that they were going to disband my shift. Well yesterday was when I got pulled aside and told that this was in fact true. Sadly my supervisor was going to put me on nights due to the fact that I one of the lowest seniority wise. That means 5 p.m. to 1:30 a.m. Soon as he said that I kept telling him that I couldn't do nights and seriously was balling my eyes out. I was hormonal anyways but that was the topper on the cake. I think I kind of scared everyone because I was so emotional and I never get that upset. I knew if I was put on nights that I would NEVER see my husband that when we have kids we would have a babysitter constantly and that is the one thing I refuse to allow is to have my kids raised by a babysitter or daycare.

But I guess the crying worked because not an hour later I was offered another position in the mornings. 7 a.m. to 3:30 p.m. Not too bad plus Kyle and I can actually spend time with one another. I am really looking forward to that.

Special Witnesses of Christ (8)

this is my favorite video and explains christ's atonement the best.

Easter

Easter always makes me happy partially because it marks the beginning of spring but also because it one of the few times the world openly celebrates Christ. It is the one time a year that we as a human population get to celebrate the sacrifice of Christ. When I think of the sacrifice of the atonement I don't just think of his sacrifice but also the sacrifice that a loving Heavenly Father made. I mean how difficult must it of been to know the hardships and persecutions and pain a son would go through and still know that he must suffer it, so that all may be saved.

I think of the pain that Jesus Christ suffered. How many of the blood drops that were shed were for me? I think of all the pain that he suffered with out complaint. When he was in the Garden of Gethsemane taking on the sins of the world. Taking away my sins. I know I am not perfect and I know that I have made mistakes and will continue to make mistakes. But I know because of him I can repent and get up and try again.

month of crazy

Well this last little while has been exiting to say the least. Well it all started with a trip to the doctors.... I thought I might be pregnant, lets set the record straight I am NOT! But back to my story I thought I might be I had all the symptoms, plus the lovely fact I was 3 weeks late on my cycle. But the funny thing is I would take the home pregnancy tests and they would all come up negative. So I went to the doctors he did a blood test which was also negative. But they found and elevated amounts of prolactin a hormone that is produced by the pituitary gland. When the doctor found this out he sent me off to the hospital to get a CAT scan. Oh this is my worst fear I am so closterphobic mostly in tight places. But if anyone thinks that being placed in a small tube where my elbows are constantly hitting the walls, having something on my face and the surrounding surface maybe 4 inches from my body is fun or therapeutic THINK AGAIN!

I went in thinking okay I am going to concur my fear, I can so this! Yeah not so great I get put on this slab and they start putting pillows around my face so I will not move my head and then this thing comes on my head. They try disguising this as anything other then a torture tactic by putting a warm blanket over you, but it doesn't work with me I know the truth! When I get in there I seriously start balling my eyes out. It is anything but fun and I would not wish this on my worst enemy. Soon as I am able to calm down the thing jolts me forward and backward and I start crying all over again. The whole time this sweet little voice is on the intercom "your doing great Mrs. Stewart!" Of course I am, I am stuck in a tiny tube with no escape what else do you expect me to do? I can't exactly run away! I guess because I wasn't screaming hysterically I was doing great!

Well then I got to see the doctor again, found out that I have a small growth on my pituitary gland (not cancerous) that is causing the elevated level of prolactin. He explained the side effects of not doing anything could be very harmful. It could cause diabetes, infertility, and if left long enough it could cause heart problems. Well I didn't want that. I have no desire to have heart problems or diabetes thank you very much and I want to be able to have kids. I remember when I was younger we had a school project to come up with a job for a job fair and my 7 year old self decided I would be a mom. Most of the students were telling me that wasn't a real job but my teacher loved it. (Helped that she had a son that was like 2.)

Anyways the doctor told me that there was something we could do... I get to take pills for the rest of my life.... well at least till I hit metapause. Not really overly excited about this but I do want to be able to have kids. Besides it helps get rid of the pregnancy symptoms. So I take this tiny little half a pill 2 times a week not too bad. I nearly had a heart attack when we went to pick up the pills though, it made me so glad that we have insurance! For 4 pills it was $117 insurance covered all but $37 made me so happy. But for 4 pills that is insane! I get to go back next month and get more blood drawn to make sure the pills are doing there job properly. And I did some research and apparently it helps if I get more zinc in my diet so I am trying that as well. We will see what happens. I am not too worried.

Kyle has been amazing during this whole thing telling me things are going to be okay even though I think he was a little nervous himself. But I am so glad I have him by my side he is my knight in shinning armor! I love him and would be lost with out him!

Criminal Minds--The Internet is Forever (Scene S05E22)

This is a portion of the TV show Criminal minds. This particular episode is about how someone uses the online sites against there victims. Its actually really funny mostly because it is so true!

Week in review

well this past little while has been crazy. At work they have been transferring people like crazy. My crew at work use to be 30 some people.... now we are down to 12! And only 8 full timers. It is crazy, the worst part was not knowing who was being transfered and who was staying. They were pulling people one at a time, so we never knew. Everyone was nervous and all day we would think is it going to be me? Is it me? Plus to top it off almost everyone was being transfered to the evening crew the 5 p.m. to 1:30 AM shift. Talk about nasty! I feel bad though one of the guys they transfered has been married a little over a month and his wife works days so this is going to make it so they never see each other. NASTY! But we are finally all staying. It was so nerve racking. I guess I can see were they are coming from but at the same time it is hard because our crew was so close, we were like a family. And they started tearing that family apart. As a result emotions ran high.

Lets see other then that I have been shopping for baby gifts. I know 2 people that are expecting. My sister in law.... still don't know what she is having. And a girl at work, she is having a boy! Its so cute seeing the baby bumps! But I am happy for them. I was talking with Nichole not to long ago she is ready for me to have one of my own, but understands the time is not right. She wants her kids to have a niece or nephew from the Ziegler side of things and as I am the only married sibling the responsibility falls on me. LOL I don't mind the pressure, but not yet, soon but not yet.

Question at ease....

Well life is crazy but i still tend to find little moments away from the crazy just to be with my thoughts. Its amazing what little moments will do to help you understand things and heal on a personal level. This last month has been anything but easy dealing with inner demons and really questioning Heavenly Fathers motives. Why does something good happen to someone and not to me? When I pray about things the answer is no but why is it yes for others. But thankfully right now I am at peace. I am comfortable were I am at. Life is not that exciting but that is okay, because I have my loving husband who loves me even when my hormones get the best of me and I start crying for no reason. At least we can find something to laugh about everyday. Because he really is my best friend!

So there was a young girl that worked at LDSBC that died new years eve, she was from korea and had jut gotten engaged that night. Its a sad story. But there was a poem that was on her funeral program that meant a lot to me. It made me cry. Thinking about death is probably not the best o things but it really made me think if I were to die would those I love know how much they mean to me?

When tomorrow starts without me,
 And I'm not there to see,
 If the sun should rise and find your eyes
 All filled with tears for me;

I wish so much you wouldn't cry
 The way you did today,
 While thinking of the many things,
 We didn't get to say.

I know how much you love me,
 As much as I love you,
 And each time that you think of me,
 I know you'll miss me too;

But when tomorrow starts without me,
 Please try to understand,
 That an angel came and called my name,
 And took me by the hand,

And said my place was ready,
 In heaven far above,
 And that I'd have to leave behind
 All those I dearly love.

But as I turned to walk away,
 A tear fell from my eye 
For all my life, I'd always thought, 
I didn't want to die.

I had so much to live for,
 So much left yet to do 
It almost seemed impossible
 That I was leaving you.

I thought of all the yesterdays,
 The good ones and the bad,
 I thought of all the love we shared,
 And all the fun we had.

If I could relive yesterday,
 Just even for a while, I'd say good-bye and kiss you 
And maybe see you smile.

But then I fully realized,
 That this could never be,
 For emptiness and memories,
 Would take the place of me.

And when I thought of worldly things,
 I might miss come tomorrow 
I thought of you, and when I did,
 My heart was filled with sorrow.

But when I walked through Heavens Gates, 
I felt so much at home.
 When God looked down and smiled at me,
 From His great golden throne,

He said, "This is eternity,
 And all I've promised you.
 Today your life on earth is past,
 But here life starts anew.

I promise no tomorrow,
 But today will always last,
 And since each day's the same way
 There's no longing for the past.

You have been so faithful,
 So trusting and so true.
 Though there were times you did some things
 You knew you shouldn't do.

But you have been forgiven
 And now at last you're free. 
So won't you come and take my hand
 And share my life with me?"

So when tomorrow starts without me,
 Don't think we're far apart, 
For every time you think of me, 
I'm right here, in your heart.

Copyright © David M Romano


With the new year we are all making new year resolutions so i thought I wonder what the most popular resolutions are. Some may surprise you!

1. Spend more time with family and friends

Life gets crazy so I can understand were this one is coming from.

2. Fit in fitness

So many of us claim that we don't have time to exercise. Truth be told we don't want to have time.

3. Tame the debt.

In this world most definite.

4. Quit smoking.

In a world were over half the population smokes it doesn't surprise me that this one made the top ten.

5. Enjoy life more

This one I need to do more as well. Enjoy every moment of every day.

6. Quit drinking

No surprise there either.

7. Learn something new

8. Help others

9. Get organized

10. Loose weight

surprised this one was not #1.

As for my resaltuion its kind of a combination of a few of these. so this year i am not going to make the resolution to loose weight like I do every year, and every year I fail.... this year it is to become more healthy... meaning eating better, exercising more, and less junk food that does nothing for me!